Herons – TTT – WTRL 65 Race report

By in Herons, Team Time Trial
WTRL TTT Heroic Herons
Greater London Flat
“The Kookaburra Fire Brigade”
As nervousness coursed through the House of Heron on this again “Joust Day” the combatants were checking their steeds and armament. The last wisp of the mornings dragon breathe had cleared making the time to be close at hand.
After conjuring, chanting, stirring the cauldron of knowledge and partaking of the fruit of the vine High Priestess @Lauren Di S’Andrea and Mad Pope Alan Glendinning had again assembled 22 outstanding teams from the Houses that lay within the Kingdom of Cryo-Gen.
This week the Council of the WTRL’s dragon to slay was one that had been ridden many times, 2 laps of “The Greater London Flat”. As far as dragons go she isn’t the meanest of beasts, but she still can lead you into a sense of false security before the jousting begins, with her flat roads sprinkled with just a hint of climb.
As time approached the Heroic Herons were filing into the pen of B to ready. We had learned that 2 of our top jousters, Butt @Kevin and Lazor @David Lee were on secret duty and wouldn’t be able to help stoke the fire to keep us moving. That left us with 6 but Hammer Karen Haldane came up ill and we had to leave her at Sister Mary’s Hospital of the Big Ring to mend. We did pick up a worthy jouster in Nitro Noel Stevens
So 5 Heroic Herons were in Pen B:
  • Cleaver – Carole Clive
  • Trouncer – Ummi Tambawala
  • Rowdy – Alicia Rampal
  • Nitro – Noel Stevens
  • Zapper – Tony Funderburk
As our quick 2 minute wait ended and we didn’t have Butt  Kevin Brock soothing voice to arose us out, I took the duty to bellow, howl, growl the infamous words of Go, Go, Go!
I don’t know what it was or what was in the drink, but we shot out quickly and for an old plow horse “Old Glue Pot”, I was in arrears quickly. After my eyes rolled back around and I was able to speak I asked to drop just enough to let me get back on. As always, the team responded and we were all tightly knit and ready for the onslaught.
A little ways up the road and still on the lead in we encountered a pleasant jouster that couldn’t understand what the true meaning of the words “BACK OFF” meant as he was overtaken. After we got to the little kicker and dispersed of “our” companion we made it to the Sprint / Finish Line to complete the lead in and proceeded to battle the dragon.
Nitro @Noel Stevens was doing the brunt of the pulls and was a beacon with his kit and orange headband. No worries on the kit as we were one team with a mission. Now as stated earlier in the tale of adventure the Greater London Flat or now known as Gerta is flat with just hint of climbs so the speeds can get pretty high no matter what level team. Pain is pain and it can render you into a heap of blubbering, swearing, convulsing mound of flesh. We all stayed tight throughout the first loop with all doing pulls, some only brief, but all the same a team effort.
We hit the Sprint / Finish Line to complete the first loop and we all did a collective grunt, grumbling to the Cycling God “Big Gogamonga” and just hoping that we would stay intact and slay Gerta. It was on the last loop, that to help break the dungeon of hell we were all in, we pulled out our inspirational song, the Kookaburra. Some teams have the charms and trinkets to help them but I do believe we are the only team that has their own song.
As the miles dwindled and the pain mounted, discord became a crying sound of madness, despair, the asking for forgiveness, affirmations of ones faith or lack, the general wailing of torment. Up the last little climb of Gerta we were putting down a good clip to the home stretch, We hit the red bricks of salvation and launched what little of power that was left. As we crossed the sweet rescue of the finish, the Herons made it across together.
Again, the Herons made a valiant effort, to add to the continuing saga that will be told years from now.
Until next weeks joust, this is Zapper, spinner of yarn and master of bull, bidding you a farewell in the land of Zwiftdom.
House of Heron
Author – Tony Funderburk